The conflict is not a war

Our behavior is based on the assumption that our perception of reality and perception are the same. If someone is confident that he and Alpha Centauri, and therefore persecuted men in black, he looked reasonably according to this idea.

Illusions – a false perception that does not adequate information about the world, that is, all that outside the body. The perception is this interpretation of the outside world, allowing us to act, to survive and to continue living.

Perception questioned when someone authoritative believes that these wrong perceptions reflect reality. If the authority is surrounding society, we talk about the disease and when it is our people, then it is a problem, a conflict. Most people limo service madison the majority rule criterion that really is the external reality. The rule is that most confirm what is true and what is false. Most Europeans believe that the Earth is flat, until he discovered that we can come back from the East sailing westward. And most of this belief does not interfere with live and thrive, as long as … here

In typical conflicts between people are only two options for the truth – his and mine. Often it is not clear whose version is correct. “All will agree with me, ask anyone,” a convinced opponent rarely acknowledge the correctness of our position. Obstinacy in conflict not only allows us to annoy the neighbor, it also infringes on our own interests, causing damage destroys life.

Illusions universal. So we can not claim that they are the result of the presence of psychological problems neighbor. Illusions normal for society, and is probably part of our inheritance mechanism.

In terms of interpersonal conflict illusion show very clearly how we harm ourselves

Our needs are absolutely incompatible, only one of us can win, so the illusion is won-lost. more

Some assures us that conflict provides an opportunity for creative solutions to the problems of cooperation and personal growth. Conflictologists admit – I personally difficult boast many virtues when I was involved in the conflict. At first I react to a conflict situation like the situation winning or losing. My opponent and I insist on different positions, and it seems that the incompatibility of our demands will inevitably favor one of us. But only one of us can be right, but one can get what he wants. Only great difficulty I can imagine that none of us should lose the need to search mutually beneficial solutions. At this point I just did not believe this result possible. The illusion is that the result at which one wins and the other loses, is seen as inevitable, in fact there is an alternative mutually beneficial solutions.

I do not think that this my blindness I am unique. There is no doubt that overcoming illusions won – lost – a very difficult thing. I am afraid that desire a mutually beneficial solution is unknown to most of us. Attempts to teach all people the opportunity to see such a solution is a waste of effort. But not all that bad. Perhaps the illusion won – lost and will dazzle us in our efforts to overcome differences, but fortunately people are also similar in their desire the common good and reasonable mutually beneficial cooperation to overcome the illusion of pure win. read here

The conflict is a direct result of our incompetence, rudeness, envy and a list of other shortcomings. The conflict can be resolved only when we recognize and correct them.

When differences pereboryuyutsya using false reflections, then a certain attitude to the neighbor later is growing and already seems quite undeniable. We tend to think that it is a bad, immoral, depraved, evil. In moments of generosity, we can assume that the behavior neighbor demonstrates his madness and worried, thinking that he was not fully responsible for their actions. Considering the conflict a direct consequence of flaws neighbor, we charge the responsibility for its contribution to the problem. We quiet ourselves, believing that to blame the other person and we only innocent victim.

There is an interesting feature of the illusion of a bad person – it almost always mutual. Each participant of the conflict believe that the full range of other personal shortcomings. Reciprocity this illusion suggests that assumptions about the madness of one of the parties to the conflict, not necessarily true. Confidence is the source of our conflicts inherent in other negative qualities, is a distortion of reality. The conflict shows the difference from us, not the corruption.

Even if we insist that it is bad, a very valuable proposition does not lead to a solution. Because he probably believes in the back and as low value us, he will not accept our findings and agrees with our estimates. Negotiations based on mutual illusions about the poor man, leading to a deadlock.

In protracted conflicts, our enemy, and even self-destructive behavior leads to the fact that the idea of a poor man become like the truth. In times of stress, we can behave abnormally and do bad things. Thus the illusion becomes prophecy realized. But even we behave rude or stupid, we believe that our bad behavior provoked. We insist that such actions not typical for us, at the same time that the other sources of behavior lie in the depths of his personality. It is difficult to consider the behavior of another with understanding.

Thus, the illusion of a bad man is a misconception about the nature of the conflict, and that the behavior of the other explained the corruption or tenderness of his nature. This behavior is not interpreted as a natural reaction to the conflict. Even in the case where the correctness of our vision supports most, such as diagnosis, illusion anyway vile plays a role. And while we all forgive yourself.

Really bad illusion property rights is a fatal human nature, so that makes it impossible to overcome the differences constructively? Fortunately, consciously or unconsciously, among us there are those who left this trap of perception.

understanding of the essence konfliktuKoly we have problems with the boss, wife, neighbor, or reconciliation and cooperation is crucial for our existence, there are especially annoying illusion. Often it seems that the difference between us is so huge, and his character so devoid of virtue, she is evil, and our principles are so incompatible that reconciliation is impossible. Faced with hopelessness, we have to choose between two styles of wrong behavior, minimize and completely avoid communication or mobilize their resources to crack down. Tragically, that limit the possibility of these two variants ineffective, can only lead to an escalation of the conflict, or even more radical solutions than is necessary to divorce, dismissal, etc. Why do we exaggerate the difficulties in fixing the inability to reconcile our positions? Why do not we see opportunities to circumvent this stone? Sometimes, then later begin to guess that it was something to agree that not all grades were adequate and plus, there were several suitable detours. click

Very rarely happens that the interests underlying the conflict really opposed. But even in cases where the interests are incompatible, the very search for compromise are reasonable behavior that can lead this particular situation to another level, or suggest a better way than permanent conflict.